Overheard at the Capitol, Episode 2

“The less the Senate gets done, the better for the taxpayers.”

“The Senator from Cass has hurt my feelings.”

“Anything to stop Hillary – except assassination. But if somebody else wants to do it…”

# 1: “What are you doing?”
# 2: “I’m preparing to fight evil!”
#1: *laughs* “I can’t think of a better man to do it. You’ve got to know evil to fight it, right?”
# 2: “Right. I like to say that when you stare into the abyss, it stares back. I’ve become corrupt.”

“They are bright, scholarly, intelligent, educated fascists.”

“You seem calmer today.”
“No, I’m just on stronger medications.”

“These are our enemies saying this about us.”
“Then it must be true!”

“I’m a terrible liar.”

“What do they teach in political science? How do they stretch it out over four years? I could teach that in a week!”

“He’s so excited that the train is moving, he doesn’t care if he’s in the caboose.”

“We have the best government money can buy.”

“He knows so much about so many things that he thinks he knows about everything.”

“Why would you want to support me? I don’t deserve your help.”

“I don’t care.”

“If they saw us in the street, I really think they would run us over.”
“So what should we do?”
“Stay away from the street.”

“That spineless wimp of a man! Where’s his backbone?”
“I think it’s in ______’s pocket.”

"Ohh, that was so eloquent! I wish the media was here so you could have said that on the radio.”
“Well, call ‘em up! I can say it again.”

“You know everyone is scared of you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say something that wasn’t already known?”

“He...has teddy bear eyes - you know, the kind you glue in. When you look at him, it’s like looking into a shark’s eyes. They’re dead underneath.”

“It’s frustrating how we work and work on an issue, and then you come and it all falls apart.”

“I used to be against ______, but then the opposition hired a cute girl to lobby for them.”

“Oh, ok. Then I won’t worry about it anymore. Now, what else do I have to worry about?”

“The Senator from the 14^th is shooting daggers at me. Am I walking into a cow pie here?”

“I...believe that he is principled and works incredibly hard on all the issues I disagree with.”

“We have to tell them we have a plan. Even if we don’t.”

“If you write it that way, people will start thinking it and feeling it, and next thing you know it will be true.”

“If we have some way to check the task off, alot of women will do it just so they can check it off.”

“After we attended that meeting in Chicago, I was so glad I was from Missouri.”

“His smile is too big anyway.”

“But Senator ______ is an airhead! You mean he actually told you that?”

“Nobody gets elected unless they have a secret.”

“They keep beating me over the head with a pillow. It’s usually a soft one.”

“I’m lyin’ to you.”

Beans 'n Rice

Mom: "Beans and rice are poor people's food."
Andrew: "No, nowadays they can afford a little cheese."

Jacob: "If you don't wear shoes, your feet will grow bigger."

Sarah: "Some people overestimate their own significance."

Jacob: "Can I make the red stuff tonight? I'm a professional red-stuff-maker."

Abigail: "Maybe we shouldn't live, because we might die."

Jacob: "Look at what a big dork I am!"

Andrew: "We can't be Greeks. All the Greeks died off and became extinct thousands of years ago.'
Dad: "Haven't you ever heard of Greece?"
Andrew: "That's in Rome."

Bible teacher, discussing the statue in Nebuchadnezzar's vision: "Ten toes! It's simply amazing!"
David: "I have ten toes. Is that amazing?"

Sarah, singing: "…it's not that I'm sentimental..."
Andrew: "Except you are."

Sarah: "I'm afraid of being rude."

Abigail: "They might have…well, cogwheels turning in their minds."
Sarah: "Cogwheels are good."
Abigail: "But I mean bad cogwheels."

Abigail: "Is he married?
Sarah: "Yes, of course. Didn't you see that little girl crawling around?"
Abigail: "He's married to a little girl?!"
Sarah: "No! That was his daughter."

Andrew, listening to the Fiddler soundtrack: "If I lived in Anatevka, I would boycott the matchmaker."

Abigail: "Guys who aren't funny are boring."

Dad to Sarah: "What were you doing out in the snow so late?
Sarah: "It was a celebration of randomness!"
Dad: "What does that mean?"
Abigail: "It means she was acting juvenile."

Stephen to Sarah: "This is my trustful coat. It has never beguiled me."

Sarah: "Why do men always gain weight after they get married?"
Andrew: "Because they don't have to get a girl anymore."

David: "Sarah is so good at manners that she's better than manners and she makes us do things that are higher than manners."

Andrew to Sarah: "Don't wax loquacious."

Sarah: "Dominant women always marry quiet men."

David: "I wish I could always stay this age. When you grow up, the things that are fun get boreder and boreder and you have to do business and things like that."

Sarah: "I don't know what the world is coming to, but I don't like it."

Stephen: "Daddy, do you want to play darts with me tonight?"
Dad: "Not really."
Stephen: "Don't worry. I'll try not to beat you this time."

House of Lies

Stephen, pumping his fist in the air: "I stand before a crumbling house of lies!"

Sarah: "Did he ever marry his first wife?"

Abigail: "Sarah, can I borrow ____ [a Christian music artist]?"
Sarah: "He's...not mine to give."
Abigail: "Oh! I mean, can I borrow his CD?"

Jacob: "I don't want to go to that funeral. I don't like funerals."
Dad: "Well, if you had died, wouldn't it bother you if no one came to your funeral?"
Jacob: "No."
Dad: "Oh. I guess it couldn't really bother you then, could it? But I know how you feel. I don't typically enjoy funerals either. I don't think they were meant to be enjoyed."
Jacob: "You don't typically enjoy funerals? When was the time that you did enjoy one?"
Dad: “Well…..”

Andrew to Sarah: "You know what's bad about fasting on Tuesday? That's the day that Subway's has half-price footlongs."

Jacob: "Andrew and I are really good enemies."

David: "I have a bumpy voice."

Jacob, looking at a picture of a woman in a wedding gown: "She sure would look bad if her head was shaved!"

David: "May the Lord pretend and defect you!” (as opposed to “May the Lord protect and defend you.”)

Jacob: "When I die, bury me in the compost pile. But leave my head sticking out."
Stephen: "Oh, do that for me, too! Except I want my feet sticking out."

Andrew to Mom: "Can you talk faster? Because when you have finished talking, I've forgotten my response."

Sarah to Abigail: "Would you mind if I sent this email in your name?"
Abigail: "It's not like I have any choice in the matter."

David, while coloring: "This is the most colorful rat in the world!"

Stephen: "Mommy, I think Abigail has a fever."
Mom: "Why?"
Stephen: "Because I heard that people with fevers don't communicate very well."
David (goes over and puts his hand on Abigail's forehead): "Yep, Abigail, you're a hothead!"

Mom, while looking at a picture of Bigfoot: "Aww, he just looks like he needs a friend!"

Random person to Stephen: "Is Sarah your mom?"
Stephen: "No, she would have had to be 9 when she got married!"

Stephen, describing a political meeting that he attended with Sarah: "I shook hands with all the men and hugged all the ladies and they said, "It's good to see you here, Mr. Greek."

Andrew: "200 years ago, everyone was 5 feet tall. That's because they wore hats that stunted their growth. Now, everyone is 6 feet tall."

Off the Record with Abigail

Welcome to the Abigail Exclusive! Here are some of Abigail's most recent observations.

"It would be fun to be a rabbi."

"I think my ears are too small."

to Sarah: "Can we go up to my room and chat? I really like chatting with you."

"I need to take a vow of silence."

"You know how horrible it is when you stay up really late with someone, and you tell them all these things, and then in the morning you're like, 'Why did I say that?'?"

"I've forgotten what they do at weddings."

"Quit trying to be sentimental. You're failing miserably."

*says something completely ridiculous and nearly scandalous*
Sarah: "Abigail!"
"Well, you said something stupid first, and I didn't want you to feel left out."

"They need to know how stupid they are."

"I'm not talking."

Depends on the Angle

Mr. W. to Stephen: "Isn't your sister Abigail beautiful?"
Stephen: "Yes, if you look at her from the right angle."

Andrew: "I was so cute when I was a kid."
Abigail: "I was cute, too, back when I was a kid. Then I lost my cuteness, but now I'm gaining it back again."

Mom, while discussing Hamas and Hezbollah: "They're in such a beautiful place. I don't understand why they just don't go down to the ocean and swim and think about God."

Stephen and David were making shadows with their hands on the wall of their room one night.
David to Mom: "What's this that I've made?"
Mom: "I think it's a puma."
David: "Nope, guess again."
Mom: "I don't know, it looks like a puma to me."
David: "No, it's the body of a puma and the head of Abraham Lincoln."

Sarah: "Some men are fallible. Others are more so."

David: "I'm allergic to socks. I don't wear socks."

Sarah: "John Donne said 'No man is an island'. He was right. He forgot to take the next step, though. No woman is a continent."

Sarah: "Could you hand me that silly little whatcha-ma-call-it thingy thing?"

Abigail to Sarah: "I learned a long time ago not to question your logic."

Woman: "Did you see that old man jump off the cliff into the river?"
Mrs. D: "That was my husband."
Woman: "Oh, dear! I would never let my husband do that."
Mrs. D: "I would never think of stopping mine."

Mr. D: "That's my walking partner: we go walking together every morning. He's only ninety."

Mrs. D: "What kind of tree is that?"
Mr. D: "It's a green tree."

Sarah: "The milk is bad."
Dad: "The milk isn't bad. It just tastes....different."

Ruthie: "I have two friends. One gives me good advice, and the other gives me bad advice. They both help."

Sarah: "Why do you have to do it just because I'm doing it?"
Andrew: "Because you opened the door, so I'm walking through."

Dad, reading 1st Corinthians: "...Where is the debater of this age?"
Stephen: "Sarah!"

Stephen: "It's good to cry a little bit everyday."

Andrew to Sarah, who was ordering him around: "You're acting like an old maid this morning, only worse."

Mom to Andrew: "Don't do that, because I do that, and it's bad."


photo by Jef Bettens

Overheard at TPJ

For those of you at TP Judicial who requested them. Thanks for the laughs and the great memories!

Mr G: "I decided I'd come down and make sure ya'll weren't dancing around fires or anything."

Kyra: "If I was watching me, I would creep myself out."

Mr. G [a lawyer]: "I hate lawyers. None of my friends are lawyers. Lawyers are the most obnoxious segment of the population."

"Maybe if we make coffee like Mr. Echols, we'll act like Mr. Echols."

"I've never made coffee before, but I don't think that's the way you make it."

"But these (party hats) make us look awkward."
"We looked awkward already."

"I didn't realize that I was supposed to be offended by that, but thanks for letting me know."

"What's a motorboat? Is that like a regular boat with a motor?"

Kyra: "Save a monkey. Shoot a person."
Landon: "That monkey will then turn into a person."
Kyra: "Who will then shoot himself to save another monkey."

Kyra: "I see baby seals and then I'm like 'I need a stuffed animal!'"

"You're generic. We can buy you at Sam's Club."
"In bulk. At discount price."

To a chess player: "You're...chessy."

"In Arizona, we're 50th at everything, and proud of it."

"In Ohio we lose at everything, but we're very protective of it."

Emily Smith: "If the whole lawyer thing doesn't work, you can go be a manager at QT."

Kyra: "...but that would encourage grown men to wear sandals in public, and we don't want that."

Erinn to me: "You would look good with angel wings."

Mr. Norris:

"Take the flavor of what I'm saying and not the snippets, because when you take the snippets, it's bad for me."

Unfortunately for Mr. Norris, I took the snippets. Here are the results:

"Are you the kind of person who likes to write outlines with Roman numerals? Well, I'm not going to give that to you. I go all over the place."

"Did you just write that down, and you don't know what it means? Good! You're on your way to becoming a lawyer."

On ethics: "They're ok with stealing the ball, but they're mad because their ball was stolen."

On making assumptions: "Don't you just see how you can jump from lilypad to lilypad, and then all of a sudden it's not a lilypad, but it's a magic carpet and you fly away...?"

On justice: "...Or you could just go and try the vigilante style, where all the good people kill all the bad people, and it's great. Except then you forget which group you're in."

"...the Constitution, which was sort of ratified by sort of most of us."

"If you can dance on the head of a pin, and you do, that's fine, but when your feet start hurting, don't cry out to God, because He's the one holding the pin."

On democracy: "I'm not always crazy about the majority. Sometimes the majority is stupid."

"He's brilliant [referring to his son]. He said, 'it wants to kill me, therefore I must kill it.'"

"If I knew that I danced that bad, I would be against dancing."

Overheard at the Family Reunion

Last week, we celebrated a family reunion with Mom's side of the family. They are the coolest non-Greeks ever - seriously! Our days were packed full of fun and laughter. We also ate, played in the water, talked, played in the water some more, took pictures, and did lots of other great stuff. We enjoyed the time immensely! Families are awesome.

Scott: "Normal people don't have 6 kids."

Scott to Stephen: "Abigail freaks me out!"

Abigail: "Who is the president of the United States?"
Leo: "Barack Obama."

Dad was putting sunscreen on Stephen.
Stephen: "You need to spread it around more, please."
Dad: "I know, I'm just doing the initial distribution."
Stephen: "You're writing my initials with sunscreen on my forehead? Cool!"

David to Stephen: "You don't take care of things, and neither do I."

Stephen: "When I see a little boy like ___, it makes me want to get married and have children."

Leo: "Abigail likes me, even though I'm a boy."

Aunt Lauren: "I can really see the resemblance between Steve and Karen."
Scott: "Yeah, they both have yellow teeth."

Leo to Abigail while playing 'Great White Sharks' in the pool: "No! You can't do that 'cause you're dead."

Overheard at the Capitol...

Unidentified Senator: "If you get ten letters on an issue, it's a big issue."

Senator Graham: "I love the House [of Representatives], but I don't always trust them."

Senator Graham (paraphrase): "But I just read through their governmental regulations, and it only took me 10 minutes! That's not long enough." [We need more government control than that!]

Senator Wilson (discussing birth): "Sometimes the placenta can get tangled around the mother's neck." :P

Senator Wilson: "You know the game, and it's all a game."

Anonymous lobbyist about anonymous legislator: "If he were in a different body, he would be the perfect man." (she was kidding, just for the record)

Abram, a Christian lobbyist, regarding a petty dispute in the legislature: "Regardless of race, religion, or party, when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, all men are four-year-olds."

Greeting card: "When a man is talking in the woods and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Anonymous Legislator: "Oh, those Republicans! Those lazy, corrupt, foolish Republicans! Oh, wait - I'm a Republican."

Anonymous individual: "He's a nice-looking guy. Too bad he's not a nice guy."

Soft in Spirit

Stephen: "I want to marry someone with a soft spirit, so she won't fight with me."
David: "I don't think that will work for you, because you have a hard spirit."

Andrew: "You know how people are more likely to crash when they're speeding? Well, they should change the speed limit to 100 miles per hour, and then less people would speed, and so less people would crash."

David to Andrew: "You would look better if you were black and a little bit fat."

David: "Jacob worked 7 years for Rachel?! That's stupid! And it seemed like a short time to him?!"
Jacob: "I would have just found another girl."

Andrew: "Sarah, why do you always mark emails as 'unread'? You shouldn't do that. That's lying to yourself."

Dad to Abigail, while discussing Bill and Hillary Clinton: "I wonder if it's possible for the Beast and the Antichrist to be married."

David, while eating homemade yogurt: "It's still alive!"

David: "Those puppies were really cute. They were even cuter than me!"

Abigail to Stephen: "You're about to make me lose my temper. And you don't want to do that. Trust me!"

Sarah: "My perfectionism makes me cruel."

Sarah: (looking at Amazon.com and smiling with anticipation) : "I really want some more books to read. Oh, wait, I have lots of books to read downstairs!"

Jacob to Dad: "I would really like to have this. Aren't Dads supposed to buy things for their little boys?"

David to Dad after Dad cut his leg with the chainsaw: "How old is your leg?"

David, after being pricked by a cactus: "Ouch! This is pricking me. But it's all for the best..."

David to Sarah: "You're too old to be cute."

Andrew: "A team can do anything."

David: "Mommy, did you call Uncle Steve 'uncle steve' when he was a little boy?"

David, seeing a pillared building on a hill: "Mommy, look! The Romans live up there!"

Sarah to an unidentified male: "You are chivalry personified - you just have to be goaded on a little and nagged for a few minutes."

Abigail: "My calendar says, "All you need is love". I'm not so sure. I could use some money, too."

Abigail: "People think that love is an upwards kind of thing, but it isn't. It's a downward thing. You fall in love."

Andrew to Sarah: "You're going to share your chocolate-covered raisins with us? If I were you, I would keep them forever."

David to Sarah: "Why are you putting your chocolate-covered raisins away? Is it because you are embarrassed that I am throwing them?"

David: "I really want to be an uncle!"

David to Sarah: "If you wait too long to get married, all the men will be dead."

Andrew to Sarah: "If you care what I say, you are very gullible."

David to Sarah: "I am the spoiledest boy in the whole world."

Andrew to Abigail: "What? You are sending an email to __ ? You have no business sending her an email that long! Oh, you're going to start talking about me. Of course. I'm the famous one!"
Abigail: "Sigh to the fifth power."

David: "Sarah, you have braided hair! That is cool. Were you born with braided hair?"

David to Sarah: "Did you notice that most of the people in the park today were sinners?"

Dad to Sarah: "Don't ever get engaged to a man who wears a baseball cap all the time."

Andrew: "Sarah had it harder than all of us. She had to break Mom and Dad in."

Sarah to Abigail: "I had to fight for everything I've got, but you get life handed to you on a golden platter!"

Andrew: "Usually ladies don't make good comedians."

David: "I saw a man cigaretting [smoking]."

Jacob, after nearly slipping on a puddle of water in the kitchen: "Whew! If I was an old lady, I would have died!"

Death by Zucchini

We here at the Grecian Inquirer have once again teamed up to bring you yet another humorous collection of random Greek philosophical observations. Enjoy!

Dad: "My uncle died of leukemia."
David: "Zucchimia? Is that when you eat too much zucchini?"

Abigail to Dad: "Had color TV been invented when you were born?"

Abigail, on hearing that Sarah was alive when the Berlin Wall fell: "I didn't even know that Dad was alive back then!"

Abigail, on seeing pictures of graffiti on the Berlin Wall: "I didn't know that graffiti had been invented back then."

Abigail: "I broke it, but it still works!"

David: "Daddy, how old were you when you were born?"

Abigail: "We should TP the UN building!"

Abigail: "When I grow up I'm going to adopt 24 kids. Plus I'll have my own."
Sarah: "Are you going to homeschool them or send them to a Christian school?"
Abigail: "Sarah, I'm going to have so many children that my house will BE a Christian school!"

Sarah: "At the time, I was certain that I would wake up dead....er, not wake up."

Jacob to Dad: "Would it be ok if I were 8 feet tall when I grow up?" (nice of him to get permission, don't you think?)
Dad: "No."
Jacob: "Can I be 7 feet tall?"
Dad: "I suppose. But you'll have a hard time finding clothes and shoes."
Mom: "And a wife!"
Sarah, later: "He's going to have a problem with that anyway."

David to Mom: "You look like you're dressed to be in 2nd class on the Titanic." (only a 6-year-old homeschooler would say that!)

Abigail: "I feel like having a very mature conversation with a very mature person about a very mature topic."

Sarah: "The enemies of your enemies are not necessarily your friends."

David was helping Mom make a smoothie in the blender. When it was finished blending, David peered into the blender and noticed several small bubbles rising to the surface. "Look, Mom!", he exclaimed. "A frog!"

Sarah, while explaining the complexities of the human birthing experience and the miracle of birth to Abigail: "Anyone can die, but it takes someone special to be born." :)

David and Mom were reading the story told in Genesis 22: 20-24 when David asked a strange question:
David: "Did they eat their children in Bible times?"
Mom: "Of course not. They would have been cannibals if they did that."
A few minutes later: "So, how many children did Milcah have?"
David: "None."
Mom: "Look again."
David read it again and said: "None."
Mom: "They had eight [ate] children."
David: "See? I told you!"

Stephen: "Hey, that's my car! You can't take it! The Bible says, 'do not steal'."
David: "It also says 'it is hard for the rich to go to heaven'. I'm just helping you!"

David: "I really want a job that pays about 9 dollars a minute."
Dad: "If you find a job like that, let me know. I'll retire, and you can take care of me!"

Also Overheard at the Greeks

David: "That's a Navy bean? I wish there was an Air Force bean."

Stephen: "Sarah goes to bed at midnight and wakes up at 3:00 in the morning."

Mom: "Abigail has many interesting conversations - with herself."

Andrew: "Classical music doesn't have any words because words hadn't been invented back then."

Dad: "But if she went, she wouldn't be here."

Mom: "When someone says 'I see', you never know exactly what they see."

Sarah went on a walk with Jacob, Stephen, and David after dark, and the boys began to get scared of the coyotes and other animals howling in the distance.
Sarah: "Well, boys, if we're attacked by a panther, should I protect you or will you all protect me?"
Stephen: (shivering and moving closer to Sarah) "You protect us!"

Dad: "Sarah, you should stop writing until you're going to get paid for it."

Stephen: "Do you ever feel like a rotten pig after you eat too much?"
Dad: "I don't know what a rotten pig feels like."

Jacob: "I don't have enough money for a bike"
Andrew: "Ask them if you can trade Sarah for it."

Dad: "President Bush declared tomorrow a national day of mourning for President Ford."
David: "Does that mean police are going to drive by our house to make sure we're crying?"

Sarah: "This is a cute shirt! Except it looks bad."

Abigail to Sarah: "You think I care if I get kidnapped? It's you I'm worried about."

Dad: "Come on girls, you don't have to write everything down. People are going to be afraid to talk in this house!"
Andrew: "They already are!"

Overheard at the Greek's

Sarah: "Something wonderful happened today, but I don't know what it is yet."

David: After watching a movie about Thomas Edison: "I want to be an inventor, but everything has already been invented."

Abigail: "I like black & white. It shows my personality."

Sarah: "I just finished reading this book that I never started."

Stephen: "I'm writing my will for when I die."

Jacob: "I look like a 20-year-old midget."

Sarah: "Andrew's going to ruin my reputation."

Abigail: "If I don't do it first."

David: "Daddy, we should sell our house and live in a tree."

A few minutes later: "Daddy, can I live under the dirt [underground]?"

Stephen: "You want to know what kind of tombstone I want when I die?"

Sarah to Abigail: "You are indecisiveness personified."

Sarah: "This place is so beautiful that it makes me want to lie down and die. Or live forever."

When playing with cars in their room:
Stephen: "Can I please have that bulldozer, David?"
David: "Say sorry first."
Stephen: "Sorry."
David: "What are you sorry for?"
Stephen: "Sorry for calling you a giraffe."
David: "No, that's not it."
Stephen: "Sorry for calling you an elephant."
David: "No."
Stephen: "Sorry for calling you a zebra?"

David: "Daddy, why do they call him 'Saddam Who Sang'? Does he sing alot?"

Sarah: "I so need someone to buy me some flowers. It seems like I haven't seen a flower since spring. I'm suffering from FDD - Flower Deficit Disorder."