Overheard at the Capitol, Episode 2

“The less the Senate gets done, the better for the taxpayers.”

“The Senator from Cass has hurt my feelings.”

“Anything to stop Hillary – except assassination. But if somebody else wants to do it…”

# 1: “What are you doing?”
# 2: “I’m preparing to fight evil!”
#1: *laughs* “I can’t think of a better man to do it. You’ve got to know evil to fight it, right?”
# 2: “Right. I like to say that when you stare into the abyss, it stares back. I’ve become corrupt.”

“They are bright, scholarly, intelligent, educated fascists.”

“You seem calmer today.”
“No, I’m just on stronger medications.”

“These are our enemies saying this about us.”
“Then it must be true!”

“I’m a terrible liar.”

“What do they teach in political science? How do they stretch it out over four years? I could teach that in a week!”

“He’s so excited that the train is moving, he doesn’t care if he’s in the caboose.”

“We have the best government money can buy.”

“He knows so much about so many things that he thinks he knows about everything.”

“Why would you want to support me? I don’t deserve your help.”

“I don’t care.”

“If they saw us in the street, I really think they would run us over.”
“So what should we do?”
“Stay away from the street.”

“That spineless wimp of a man! Where’s his backbone?”
“I think it’s in ______’s pocket.”

"Ohh, that was so eloquent! I wish the media was here so you could have said that on the radio.”
“Well, call ‘em up! I can say it again.”

“You know everyone is scared of you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say something that wasn’t already known?”

“He...has teddy bear eyes - you know, the kind you glue in. When you look at him, it’s like looking into a shark’s eyes. They’re dead underneath.”

“It’s frustrating how we work and work on an issue, and then you come and it all falls apart.”

“I used to be against ______, but then the opposition hired a cute girl to lobby for them.”

“Oh, ok. Then I won’t worry about it anymore. Now, what else do I have to worry about?”

“The Senator from the 14^th is shooting daggers at me. Am I walking into a cow pie here?”

“I...believe that he is principled and works incredibly hard on all the issues I disagree with.”

“We have to tell them we have a plan. Even if we don’t.”

“If you write it that way, people will start thinking it and feeling it, and next thing you know it will be true.”

“If we have some way to check the task off, alot of women will do it just so they can check it off.”

“After we attended that meeting in Chicago, I was so glad I was from Missouri.”

“His smile is too big anyway.”

“But Senator ______ is an airhead! You mean he actually told you that?”

“Nobody gets elected unless they have a secret.”

“They keep beating me over the head with a pillow. It’s usually a soft one.”

“I’m lyin’ to you.”

On Postage

It now costs forty-one cents to mail a letter.

I'm sitting here in horror, trying to wrap my mind around said egregious fact.

It costs forty-one cents to mail a letter.

It costs forty-one cents to mail a letter!

And yet there are no riots on the street. I hear nothing of tear gas and policemen, of broken glass and burning vehicles. No one has gone to Washington to demonstrate. No one has fled the country. The world still spins on its axis. Apparently, everything still goes on as normal.

Yet here I sit, petrified. Aghast at the demise of the country I love.

What I greatly feared has come upon me. I will most surely go broke. I will live in misery and perish in obscurity, the innocent victim of a tyrannical postal system.

I still have vague remembrances of the good old days, the days when one could mail a letter for twenty-nine cents. Sure, that was still too much, and you had to lick the back, but at least there was a little money left over to pay the bills after you paid the postage by which to mail them.

Not so these days.

We scraped together a small fortune and bought some stamps a few days ago. They were large and triangular, which struck me as rather odd. They were also unusually beautiful. Apparently, the post office has decided that they will obscure their evil by putting a new face on postage. Apparently, they have been successful.

But the truth remains. This is no time for sugar coating the matter. We have done that for too long already. Ladies and gentlemen, the end of all things is at hand. Prepare to meet your Maker.

It costs forty-one cents to mail a letter.

It costs forty-one cents to mail a letter!

Overheard at the Capitol...

Unidentified Senator: "If you get ten letters on an issue, it's a big issue."

Senator Graham: "I love the House [of Representatives], but I don't always trust them."

Senator Graham (paraphrase): "But I just read through their governmental regulations, and it only took me 10 minutes! That's not long enough." [We need more government control than that!]

Senator Wilson (discussing birth): "Sometimes the placenta can get tangled around the mother's neck." :P

Senator Wilson: "You know the game, and it's all a game."

Anonymous lobbyist about anonymous legislator: "If he were in a different body, he would be the perfect man." (she was kidding, just for the record)

Abram, a Christian lobbyist, regarding a petty dispute in the legislature: "Regardless of race, religion, or party, when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, all men are four-year-olds."

Greeting card: "When a man is talking in the woods and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Anonymous Legislator: "Oh, those Republicans! Those lazy, corrupt, foolish Republicans! Oh, wait - I'm a Republican."

Anonymous individual: "He's a nice-looking guy. Too bad he's not a nice guy."

Overheard at TeenPact

Yes, you heard right. During our self-imposed blogging hiatus, Abigail and I had a grand adventure. TeenPact was an amazing experience this year, as always. I learned more in a week than is commonly thought possible, and experienced more awkward moments and daring adventures and inspirational conversations than I've enjoyed in a long time.

During the course of the week, we here at GI kept careful track of the proceedings, as usual. Our efforts were not in vain, for many of the happenings were preserved for our loyal readers in pen and ink. We've selected a few tidbits to aid in your personal pursuit of humor and happiness.

Disclaimer: The following statements are in no way representative of the usual intellectual climate of the TeenPact experience. During the course of the week, TP attendees sought respite from the relentless pursuit of knowledge by refreshing themselves with brief moments of humor. To tell the truth, the author, for one, enjoyed more laughs than said author had experienced in a very long time. While the source of said amusements were not usually recalled to memory after said amusements occurred, a few have been preserved for your delectation and delight.

Senator L: "We're backwards in our sophistication."

Hannah: "Ah, the sweet taste of pessimism!"

Hannah: "I'm allergic to some seafood. But I don't know which seafood bothers me and which doesn't, so I just avoid it all."
Jonathan: "That sounds a little fishy to me."

Mark to Nathan on Sarah's status as a staffer: "Sarah used to be one of us."

Hannah, describing her concussion: "But it sure made a cool cracking noise!"

also Hannah: "Just as I forgot, I remembered."

Hannah again: "I don't have to pretend to have mental problems. I am one."

Mark: "I'm not going to waste time thanking you each individually."

Mr Jack: "I'm certain that ties are an invention of the devil - or at least of women."

Nicholas G. had the great honor of being elected to the prestigious position of TP Missouri Governor. As usual, GI staff took copious notes during his "State of TeenPact address". The following were some of Governor G's most memorable comments.

"I found a Communist in Jefferson City this week."

"The guys actually held the doors open for the girls, and the girls actually said 'thank you'!"

"You can't walk out these doors and be the same."

"TeenPact is an oasis in a desert of ignorance."

"My generation is not a lost cause....God bless TeenPact."

Indeed! A big thanks to all the amazing students and staff who made the Missouri TP class possible. Not mention Mr. J and Mrs. M and Mrs. R and the PD, who are a whole 'nuther story....