Saturday, October 13, 2007


I filled out a tax form today. You know, one of those ominous little black and white monsters who terrorize Americans like clockwork every April.

Oh! That reminds me. I wonder if anyone has ever thought of designating the IRS as a terrorist organization. After all, if you don't buy them off, they'll come with big guns and...

Never mind! Just kidding. To all the IRS agents out there reading this: I take it back! Really, I do.

Back to my story. So, I was filling out this tax form. And suddenly I see a little note at the bottom of the page.

"For federal tax purposes, you are considered a person if you are:

An individual who is a citizen or resident of the United States,

A partnership, corporation, company, or association created or organized in the United States or under the laws of the United States, or

Any estate (other than a foreign estate) or trust. See Regulations sections 301.7701-6(a) and 7(b) for additional information."


That piqued my interest. You are a person if?

I always thought you were a person if you were capable of wondering if you are a person. Cogito, ergo sum! I mean, you'd think that most of the IRS's audience would be comprised of persons (Unless, of course, there's someone else on the planet who is interested in paying taxes. Yes! Let the primates foot the bill!).

Apparently I was mistaken. For all I knew, I might be a nonperson. For federal tax purposes, I could be anything!

My fingers twitched nervously, and I rocked slowly back and forth in my seat. The pressure was getting to me. Was I a person, or wasn't I?

I ran quickly through the list. I am not a partnership, corporation, company, association, or estate.

But I am an individual...right?

You can't be too careful. I rushed over to the nearest computer and typed in the address of my trusty friend:


The page had never loaded so slowly. I bit down hard on my lip and waited desperately for the verdict.

"Individual: a person."


And to think that I went to all that trouble.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, tax form. It's nice to be sure.

See Regulation section 28450.2731 subsection 342.18(b) for additional information.

1 comment:

Jesse Caldwell said...

"Yes! Let the primates foot the bill!"

Apparently the Congress hasn't thought of this yet...they would love to know. Of course, PETA would be up in arms, but that's OK, it would eliminate the national debt and everything.