Overheard at TPJ

For those of you at TP Judicial who requested them. Thanks for the laughs and the great memories!

Mr G: "I decided I'd come down and make sure ya'll weren't dancing around fires or anything."

Kyra: "If I was watching me, I would creep myself out."

Mr. G [a lawyer]: "I hate lawyers. None of my friends are lawyers. Lawyers are the most obnoxious segment of the population."

"Maybe if we make coffee like Mr. Echols, we'll act like Mr. Echols."

"I've never made coffee before, but I don't think that's the way you make it."

"But these (party hats) make us look awkward."
"We looked awkward already."

"I didn't realize that I was supposed to be offended by that, but thanks for letting me know."

"What's a motorboat? Is that like a regular boat with a motor?"

Kyra: "Save a monkey. Shoot a person."
Landon: "That monkey will then turn into a person."
Kyra: "Who will then shoot himself to save another monkey."

Kyra: "I see baby seals and then I'm like 'I need a stuffed animal!'"

"You're generic. We can buy you at Sam's Club."
"In bulk. At discount price."

To a chess player: "You're...chessy."

"In Arizona, we're 50th at everything, and proud of it."

"In Ohio we lose at everything, but we're very protective of it."

Emily Smith: "If the whole lawyer thing doesn't work, you can go be a manager at QT."

Kyra: "...but that would encourage grown men to wear sandals in public, and we don't want that."

Erinn to me: "You would look good with angel wings."

Mr. Norris:

"Take the flavor of what I'm saying and not the snippets, because when you take the snippets, it's bad for me."

Unfortunately for Mr. Norris, I took the snippets. Here are the results:

"Are you the kind of person who likes to write outlines with Roman numerals? Well, I'm not going to give that to you. I go all over the place."

"Did you just write that down, and you don't know what it means? Good! You're on your way to becoming a lawyer."

On ethics: "They're ok with stealing the ball, but they're mad because their ball was stolen."

On making assumptions: "Don't you just see how you can jump from lilypad to lilypad, and then all of a sudden it's not a lilypad, but it's a magic carpet and you fly away...?"

On justice: "...Or you could just go and try the vigilante style, where all the good people kill all the bad people, and it's great. Except then you forget which group you're in."

"...the Constitution, which was sort of ratified by sort of most of us."

"If you can dance on the head of a pin, and you do, that's fine, but when your feet start hurting, don't cry out to God, because He's the one holding the pin."

On democracy: "I'm not always crazy about the majority. Sometimes the majority is stupid."

"He's brilliant [referring to his son]. He said, 'it wants to kill me, therefore I must kill it.'"

"If I knew that I danced that bad, I would be against dancing."

Conversation on Wheels

Ever been in a conversation that moved fast enough to get lost in? A conversation that went from philosophy to shampoo at the snap of a finger?

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a large van full of gregarious TeenPacters. For two entire hours. It was great. We went from discussing politics to commenting on garlic in about 0.2 seconds.... and that was just the tip of the iceberg.

I journaled our topics of conversation for about twenty minutes. Here's what we covered during that time span, in the order we discussed it. As you'll notice, we jumped from one subject to the next at a breathtaking speed. Sometimes you can see where one topic led to the next, but at other times even relevance is irrelevant.


Characteristics of the South

Women in the South

Feminism

Political correctness

Garlic in Italy

Seatbelt legislation

The purpose of government

Traffic fatalities

Motorboat accidents

Synonyms for 'morbid'

Mispronouncing vocabulary words

Mispronouncing 'Penelope'

Adventures in Odyssey vs. Homer's Odyssey

The ridiculous conversation we were engaged in

Solutions for disposing of the world's waste (all of them unpractical)

Smog in New York City

How to propel trash into space

Global warming

Global cooling

Al Gore's electric bill

An Inconvenient Truth

The Kyoto Protocol

Polar bears and seals

Stuffed animals

Overpopulation

The Life of Pi

Party hats

Barf bags

Food poisoning

China's equivalent of the FDA and what they're up to

Panda bears

Bamboo

Veggie Tales

Mars Hill

Small towns

The nature of reality

Rene Descartes

Plato

The 'if it feels good, do it' philosophy

"I think, therefore I am" vs. 'I am, therefore, I think'

The upcoming moot court tournament

....and there it ended, because we remembered that some of us would be competing in the tournament. ;)

Me 'N My Automobile

Not so many years ago, folks would drive their buggies to town, tie their horses to the hitching post, stroke the creatures who had brought them there so faithfully, and step inside the general store to purchase the supplies they needed. When they came back out, the horses would whinny with joy. Then the people would feel happy to have companions who valued their presence so highly.

Back in those days, everything had a more personal touch. You watered and fed your horses, talked to them, and petted them. Unless you were some sort of ogre from Black Beauty, chances were that you and your horse were good friends.

These days, people just have automobiles. It's difficult to be friends with an automobile. You can't talk to it when you're changing the oil, and staying up at night with it when it's feeling poorly doesn't do much good. An automobile isn't happy when you come to see it in the morning. My vehicle has yet to whinny happily when I come out to the garage.

I do, however, like to observe other people's cars and the relationships that they have developed with these vehicles. There isn't always much to see, though. I have yet to watch a person bury their face in a vehicle's exterior and murmur sweet nothings while mingling their breath with the warm moistness of the car's exhalation system, as they might do if the vehicle was a horse. Somehow I don't blame them.

It's the 21st century now, yet we still haven't managed to escape our longing for the personalized side of life. Instead, as with so many other ancient pleasures, we have managed to repackage it and charge ten times the original amount.

We have done so, in this particular case, with flair.

I was sitting in our suburban a few weeks ago in the Walmart parking lot, indulging in one of my favorite hobbies - people watching, if you must know. Walmart is one of the best places to people watch, especially since my family shops there frequently and I am boycotting said emporium. Trying, anyhow.

Normally, people watching is incredibly distressing, and leads one to contemplate a life of solitude and eternal rejection of society at large. I was pondering such matters when I suddenly became aware of an incredible phenomenon.

I noticed that folks would get out of their vehicles, walk about 50 feet away, and then turn around. At that point, they would press a miniscule button on their keychain. Suddenly, like magic, the vehicle would wink at them!

I was astounded. The personal touch had been revived. It had been repackaged for the 21st century in all its former glory!

I was even more amazed to see what happened when folks finally emerged from the store. Once again, they would press the little button. Once again, the car would wink, sometimes even twice. The coolest cars would even make a cheerful beeping noise. It was a sound that was even cooler than a horse's whinny and more reassuring than a dog's wagging tail. It was also infinitely more personal.

Of course, the relief on each individual's face was priceless. It's good to be loved.

At that point, I was ready to try the procedure myself. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and jumped out of the suburban. After backing up slowly, I pressed the glorious little button and waited for a response.

I was not disappointed. The vehicle winked at me! It then fortified itself against invaders and awaited my return.

I walked into Walmart on air. This time, the impersonal nature of the traditional shopping experience did not unnerve me. The personal touch had once again become an integral part of the American lifestyle!

Upon my return, I roamed the colossal parking lot with a burning curiousity. I tried to signal the coolest vehicles to wink at me, but without success. Apparently, none of them felt a special bond with me. Then I spotted our suburban in the distance.

I dropped my bags and ran toward it, suddenly desperate for some personal acknowledgment in a cold, impersonal world. At the appropriate distance, I skidded to a stop, leaned back for effect, and pressed the magic button.

Instantly, the vehicle lit up and winked twice. Then, with a click, it emancipated itself from the locks that held it secure. My chariot was ready!

Needless to say, I am still thrilled with this development. The ancient affection that once bonded a person to his or her horse has been lifted from its stony grave and repackaged for my generation. The personal touch in transportation has been ushered into the 21st century with a wink and a click!

We welcome her back with a beep.



Disclaimer: The description of the author's behavior in this narrative was subject to creative license. ;)

Overheard at the Family Reunion

Last week, we celebrated a family reunion with Mom's side of the family. They are the coolest non-Greeks ever - seriously! Our days were packed full of fun and laughter. We also ate, played in the water, talked, played in the water some more, took pictures, and did lots of other great stuff. We enjoyed the time immensely! Families are awesome.

Scott: "Normal people don't have 6 kids."

Scott to Stephen: "Abigail freaks me out!"

Abigail: "Who is the president of the United States?"
Leo: "Barack Obama."

Dad was putting sunscreen on Stephen.
Stephen: "You need to spread it around more, please."
Dad: "I know, I'm just doing the initial distribution."
Stephen: "You're writing my initials with sunscreen on my forehead? Cool!"

David to Stephen: "You don't take care of things, and neither do I."

Stephen: "When I see a little boy like ___, it makes me want to get married and have children."

Leo: "Abigail likes me, even though I'm a boy."

Aunt Lauren: "I can really see the resemblance between Steve and Karen."
Scott: "Yeah, they both have yellow teeth."

Leo to Abigail while playing 'Great White Sharks' in the pool: "No! You can't do that 'cause you're dead."